May Horoscopes


Arden Montjoy , Features Editor

Dearest Blazers, the year is coming to a close and with it, my writing of these horoscopes. For my farewell, I present to you the signs as cringe yearbook quotes. You’re welcome.

Aquarius: Jan.20th- Feb.18th: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take- Wayne Gretzky”- Michael Scott

Pisces: Feb. 19th- March 20th: “Master has given Dobby a diploma, Dobby is freeeeee”

Aries: March 21st- April 19th: “See kids? I told you I was hot in high school”

Taurus: April 20th-May 20th: [insert Hannah Montana quote here]

Gemini: May 21st-June 20th: [insert quote about high school quotes]

Cancer: June 21st- July 22nd: “You had 4 years to think about this, just pick one”- Mr. Lowman

Leo: July 23rd- August 22nd: “When I die, I want everyone I worked with in a group project to lower my casket so they can let me down one last time”

Virgo: Aug. 23rd- Sept. 22nd: “Don’t cry because its over; smile because it happened”

Libra: Sept. 23- Oct. 22nd: “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”- Oscar Wilde

Scorpio: Oct. 23rd- Nov. 21st: “Life is a party and I’m the piñata”

Sagittarius: Nov. 22- Dec. 21st: “Goodbye everyone. I’ll remember you all in therapy”- Plankton

Capricorn: Dec. 22nd- Jan. 19th: “I’m sorry that everyone is so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m so popular”- Gretchen Wieners