December Ho-Ho-Horoscopes


Madi Wilkerson, Co-Managing Editor

Christmas time is near! Here’s what the stars have in store for you this December:

Aquarius: Jan.20th- Feb.18th: Wanting some service hours? Sign up to be the door greeters for the Salvation Army! They are always looking for a smiling face!

Pisces: Feb. 19th- March 20th: Pisces, this time of year is always hard for you. It’s the season of giving, even though there are so many sales, you have to buy Christmas presents, you have enough shoes.

Aries: March 21st- April 19th: I promise there are more songs than All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey. There are more songs. Stop playing Mariah Carey, please.

Taurus: April 20th-May 20th: Once again, you waited last minute to get Christmas presents. This is your sign to find random objects around your house to give to people. If they ask why they received a picture of your little sibling, just smile and say wrong person!

Gemini: May 21st-June 20th: Winter is in the air! But snow is not, we live in the south, what are you thinking? Instead of building a snowman, build a red-dirt man! A big ole’ pile of clay in your backyard, can’t get more southern winter than that. 

Cancer: June 21st- July 22nd: On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 12 drummers drumming… Give your special person 12 drummers, or better yet, a mariachi band!

Leo: July 23rd- August 22nd: It’s time to get in the Christmas spirit! Make your ugliest Christmas sweater and wear it everywhere you go. 

Virgo: Aug. 23rd- Sept. 22nd: 2023 is near, you know what that means! It’s time to start thinking up your New Years’ Resolution. What will it be? Go on a diet, start working out more, progressively learn how to jump higher and higher… It’s up to you!!

Libra: Sept. 23- Oct. 22nd: Every Christmas tree needs its angel! Print out a picture of your face and tape it to the top of the tree!!

Scorpio: Oct. 23rd- Nov. 21st: It’s the season of giving! Give all the signs a gift, bees! Bees in a box! Aren’t gifts supposed to be a surprise? 

Sagittarius: Nov. 22- Dec. 21st: This is your sign to go up to Mr. Dillard and tell him what you want for Christmas! He gives Santa vibes after all. Just don’t sit on his lap, that is weird. 

Capricorn: Dec. 22nd- Jan. 19th: Look out for other Capricorns! They are going to try and get you under the mistletoe, and you know what that means…