Aquarius: Jan.20th- Feb.18th: Dear Aquarius, this is the year you finally stop eating grape jelly by itself straight from the jar. I’m not judging, it’s just you’re allergic to grapes and it’s not good for your health.
Pisces: Feb. 19th- March 20th: The Pisces should turn to more self care in the new year. So get that thing you’ve been wanting to buy. We won’t judge and neither should you.
Aries: March 21st- April 19th: Maybe don’t keep doing such daring things this year, Aries. It’s ok to be adventurous, but playing chicken is not exactly what we meant when we said to take chances. We don’t condone that.
Taurus: April 20th-May 20th: I know it’s only the beginning of January, but you ,Taurus, are already feeling the drag of the semester. Don’t disregard the whole year due to this quarter. You know there are way too many other months coming that you have to wait to complain about. It’s the wait that makes the complaining worth it. Trust me.
Gemini: May 21st-June 20th: 2022 is a lucky year for the Gemini. Maybe you’ll find a treasure, someone may confess their love to you, you may be selected as the winner of a lifetime supply of KFC fried chicken scented fireplace logs. Who knows? I do. By the way, I didn’t make up the KFC wooden logs, that’s a real thing.
Cancer: June 21st- July 22nd: Caution is wise for the Cancer in 2022. Don’t do what you’ve been planning on doing with those Orbeez. They will wreck pipes and plumbing and I’m sure you don’t want to have that conversation with your parent/guardian. Trust me.
Leo: July 23rd- August 22nd: A new year brings a new Leo. With the dawn of another year, I pose you get back into lost hobbies or abandoned projects of the past. That macaroni sculpture isn’t going to glue itself. Also, add more glitter.
Virgo: Aug. 23rd- Sept. 22nd: You may already have a resolution, Virgo, but I suggest you reevaluate. I pose you step outside of your comfort zone and let the more spontaneous areas of life take hold. I think you saw that TikTok of a hamster and knew in your heart that you need a hamster. I’m here to tell you that your heart is right.
Libra: Sept. 23- Oct. 22nd: 2022 may be the year of the tiger, but for the Libra it is the year of the bugs. You like bugs now, it’s a fact and you cannot change it. I don’t make the rules. Happy creepy crawling >:)
Scorpio: Oct. 23rd- Nov. 21st: A new perspective is what the Scorpio needs in this turn from old to new. May I suggest upside down? It’s cliché, yes, but the classics are classic for a reason.
Sagittarius: Nov. 22- Dec. 21st: My resolution is simple for you Sagittarius, yet it is so important. You need to reevaluate your snack and beverage situation. Your needs are important and need to be prioritized. Also, I am writing this from your kitchen and I’m not seeing anything good in here. I’ve got to ask for your help on this.
Capricorn: Dec. 22nd- Jan. 19th: While it is the beginning of the year, the Capricorn may feel exhausted already. Your resolution should not be to change something you already do but what you don’t do. Naps are good sometimes!!! Working all the time can lead to burnouts, which makes your teddy bear very sad. And you have to set a good example. For your inanimate bear, please rest <3
