Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
March may not be your month, Aquarius, but it also might be. I can really see it going both ways. I know astrologers are supposed to be more clairvoyant about these matters, but I’m in murky waters here.
Pisces (Feb 19 – March 20)
Oh Pisces, it’s Pisces season! Well, until March 20, that is. This month will be full of birthday joy, unless your Mom forgets it again.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
March into therapy, Aries. I have had enough.
Taurus (April 20 – May 21)
Taurus, my Taurus. Springtime is the best time to push through your stubborn nature and try new things! Babies are born, flowers bloom, let us experiment! Not bangs, though. Not again.
Gemini (May 22 – June 21)
I predict you will bear a child soon. Yes, you. Yes. You.
Cancer (June 22 – July 21)
I want more matching outfits from you, Cancer. I know with Spring Break events coming up and Q3 assignments due, you are strapped for time. But seriously, no more stripes with plaid. That is just fashion 101.
Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)
Leo, I see you starting a podcast. Or a YouTube channel. Not a TikTok account, though. Your account has enough followers already, so let us start a new platform!
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)
Oh, Virgo, have I told you how perfect you are recently? I mean, wow. March might be your best season, Virgo. Then again, I think every season is your season.
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22)
Open a savings account if you do not have one already. I see a big trip coming up for you, oh balanced one.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
The second date you go on this month will be your future spouse. The first date you go on may be your ultimate doom.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Make sure you go on a date with Scorpio. The first date of the month for them. Trust me.
Capricorns (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
I know you just received the worst grade you have ever gotten, Capricorn. But, it is only a 96, friend, so let’s rework your academic validation complex.
