The Biology of a Minion

Minion or Twinkie?


Kaileigh Stoia, Managing Editor

While it is tempting to deduce our yellow pill-shaped friend is but a cream-filled roll, that is not the case. We may not know much, but we do know that Minions (Minionus despicallus) are complex multicellular organisms with a fierce need for a fierce master. How do we know this, you may ask? You aren’t the only ones intrigued, so are the experts!
Pierre Coffin, the inventor of our favorite yellow friends, confirms that “They’re all male, non-reproducing, and immortal.” *I would like to take a moment to say that they can’t all be male if they have no two distinguished reproductive organ sets, so basically, they have no gender.* Essentially, Minions have been, are, and always will be: Minions. Evolutionary Biologist T. Ryan Gregory states that this is unique because “They’re going to be accumulating a lot of mutations. Their DNA is going to be damaged, and there’d have to be some way to repair it.” It seems as if the clue to everlasting life is right in front of us.
While the theoretical questions continue to pile up about the yellow blobs, we do have some knowledge. These are not vertebrates. At the beginning of the “Minions” movie, one can see the yellow unicellular organisms evolving in the water. While the other creatures around them started to have the rigid structure and support of vertebrates, they stayed squishy and blobby. It is likely that they may not be Twinkies, just feel like Twinkies. We also know that nonvertebral fish were able to evolve teeth, so it makes sense as to why Minions have pearly whites. In addition, it has been confirmed that Minions aren’t mammals, for they are without nipples or belly buttons (even though they like to pretend that they have them).
While some characteristics of Minions seem vague or not plausible, they at least have the characteristics of life. They have cells, they react to their environment, and they love to eat bananas! Do you think it’s possible that they like bananas because they used to eat each other? Never mind, I’m sure you’re tired of theoretics.
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