Your September Horoscopes

Is it September already?

Arden Montjoy, Features Editor

The stars have spoken once again and have enlightened me of what is to come in this fine month of September. Find what the stars have in store for you below! However, keep in mind I am only the messenger and do not get paid enough.

Aquarius: (Jan.20th- Feb.18th): You are already aware of your elite taste in music, but there is a way to elevate your status among musical aficionados. It all begins with playing your music out loud for everyone to hear. This way, they will know that you are not only cool, but cultured as well.
Pisces: (Feb. 19th- March 20th): This month is finally the month where you get that thing you’ve been avoiding done. So do it. Watch all the Twilight movies in one sitting. They’re all on Netflix. There is no excuse.
Aries: (March 21st- April 19th): Now’s the time where you plan a nice outing with friends. A quick reminder though: sitting in the Cook Out parking lot does not qualify as a nice outing.
Taurus: (April 20th-May 20th): In the coming weeks, be on the lookout for a dog. And then let us know where that dog is! I want to see that dog!!!
Gemini: (May 21st-June 20th): Befriend a Virgo this month! They really look like they could use a hug and lots of distractions from the stress of life. Be the person to give them that! I’m certain they’re waiting for you with open arms!
Cancer: (June 21st- July 22nd): This month, the movie for you is Marley and Me. It’s a simple, cute flick about a guy and his dog where nothing but warm and fuzzy things happen. It’s your dream come true! Let me know how much you like it.
Leo: (July 23rd- August 22nd): Now is the time you’ve been waiting for. I’m here to tell you to give in to the deep desire you’ve been repressing. Go ahead and decorate for Halloween. Go all out, orange lights and all. There is nothing stopping you from living your bliss. It’s never too early.
Virgo: (Aug. 23rd- Sept. 22nd): Beware of Geminis this month. They may disrupt your schedule. Plus, they are likely plotting against you and your success in an evil villain type manner. Beware.
Libra: (Sept. 23- Oct. 22nd): It’s finally time to check that weird rattling that’s been coming from your car. Could be a squirrel trapped under the hood, could be you need your oil changed. Either way, you might want to bring a net.
Scorpio: (Oct. 23rd- Nov. 21st): Do not buy any dolls from the thrift store this month. It’s tempting, but a recreation of Annabelle is not what you need in your life right now.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22- Dec. 21st): Sometimes, treating yourself is a good thing and can really help motivate you in the days to come. Treating yourself is not an excuse to buy whatever you want from Target. The dollar section is tempting, but you are strong. Resist!

Capricorn: (Dec. 22nd- Jan. 19th): This is the month for you to finally branch out and speak to some new people. Just make sure you don’t have the resting “I hate you and all you do and stand for” face. It’s just a bit off-putting.